Ray’s Tap Reading Series is coming back in September with Samantha Irby, Vicki Walden, Barrie Cole, Tijuana Hercules, Matt Test, Dave Snyder, Daniel Shapiro, Mason Johnson and Margaret Chapman. The show will be about Liars and will be at the Prop Thtr, September 8th. The show will be 15 bucks or pay what you can, which means you can come for free if you are broke.
The Don Rickles Bird is a bird that looks exactly like Don Rickles. The oddest part about this bird is that while the actual Don Rickles ages, the bird adapts to look like the most current version of him. The bird itself is docile and indifferent to race and some say their fecal droppings taste like strawberries and also shit, which is actually worse than just shit.
The Bird of Stolen Sadness (BSS) is a bird that swoops in on crying humans, steals their tears and then deposits them on the faces of fresh corpses. It is endangered because people don’t quite cry or die like they used to.
Finally we have a date.
The theme of the show is Imaginary Birds and we will have a great group of readers reading stories about birds that have never existed.
We will also be serving food; a first for the Ray’s Tap Reading Series. It will be free and you will be terrified to try it.
Hope to have show dates soon.
List of the Most Disgusting Sexual Positions and Sex Acts
by the writers of the Ray’s Tap Reading Series for the Anti-Erotic/Sex-Negative/Anti Natal Extravaganza
1. Home-Made Taco Salad
2. Flooding the Engine
3. Inside out Strawberry
4. Breaking the Vagina Bank
5. Splitting Hairs
6. Face the Nation
7. Egg Face
8. Human Rain
9. Let’s Turn Our Bodies Into Ships With Passengers
10. Big and Small
11. Human Train Derailment
12. Let’s Put an Ax in That
13. French Kissing
14. Liquid Pat Down
15. Self Induced Sauna
16. Fun With Detached Fingers
17. Organic Stripper Pole
18. The Snow Plow
19. Dump Truck Disaster
20. Elegant Feather Play
21. Vintage Mud Trap
22. Penis Meet Razor
23. Ball Drag
24. Weather Vain in the ass on the roof role play
25. Talking About Sex During Sex
26. Reverse Cowboy (gravity not an issue)
27. The Vagina’s Edge
28. What do you do when your cock and balls are detached and end up in your face in a plastic bag?
29. Missionary. (I know at least that one seems ordinary, but think about the history, the impact those slow gentle christian fucks had on those cultures in the end.)
31. Poo-plate special
32. The Challenger Explosion
33. The Bratwurst Burst
34. Ring Around the Weiny
35. Clam Bake
36. Open-Faced Meatloaf Sandwich
38. The French Poodler
40. Lollie Popping
41. Chinese Pizza
42. Lobster Bisque
43. Homo Tornado (for straights only)
44. Black-on-black Crime
45. The Dick Van Dyke
46. The Dick Van Fag
47. The Old Testament
48. The “Just-Like-In-That-Porn”
49. The Feltch Prince of Bel-Air
51. Genital Holocaust
52. The Blame Game
53. Tonsil Hockey
54. Ovary Badminton
55. Easy Bake Oven
56. The Cliffs of Dover
57. Blanket of Dead Dutch Oven Malfunction l
58. Pubes in a Blanket
59. The Salted Nut Log
60. Farmer and Field
61. The Removable Clitoris
62. Sexy Autism
63. Latex Allergy Fetish Play
63. Oh Fuck!
64. Deep, Deep Hand Holding
65. Duck And Cover
66. The Wailing Wall
67. Sexual Congress
68. Charge on Delivery
70. The “Do You Like That?”
71. The “Do You Like That, Baby?”
72. The LeBron James
73. The Reverse-Abortion (Where we put a baby you don’t want inside you, sexually)
74. The Cape Cod (If you are a girl and not a Kennedy, you die at the end of this one)
75. The Cum filled baked potato at Chief O’Neils. Don’t order it.
76. Human Ashtray with benefits
77. Let’s Trade Blood (An “erotic” card game that should be avoided.)
78. Snow Shoveling. ( I am sure you are all familar with the other terms related to this one, but this is far worse and involves an actual shovel.”)
79. Roleplay Sex where one person pretends to be the film Shoah and the other is The Sorrow and the Pity. If you want to add a third party, they can choose from the plethora of Police Academy movies, expect for the first one.
80. The Corned Beef Blowjob.
81. The Jon Stewart (Where you get pissed on, shat on and then are told that you are really smart and then pissed on again, with a bloody piss from a dying man who has kidney problems that also tells you that you are really smart.)
82. Green Line Anal Express
83. The Broken Bulb. (This is where you fuck your partner so hard their eye pops out and then you try and make it work again by fucking them harder.)
84. The Idi Amin
85. The Gulag Experience
86. Sorrow (This is a sexual arrangement where both parties cry separately and slowly come together to fuck while trying to out sob each other.)
87. Home-Made Ranch Dressing
88. Red Lobster (This is when white people pretend they are black)
89. Ear Fuck
90. Pick a Fold and Fuck it Violently
91. Egg Toss
92. Shaking Your Sexual Baby Syndrome
93. Nude Gravel Angels
94. Pop that Nut Sack
95. Astronaut Ice cream
96. Lets Pretend We Are Out of Oxygen For Real
97. Taco Salad
98. Blanket of Dead Dutch Oven Malfunction 2
99. Twat-co Salad
100. Sparkely Cunt
101. Penis Sewage Pump
103. The Swallowcaust
104. The Trail of Tears (of Poon)
105. Tears of a Mortally Wounded Clown
Feel free to add more in the comment page.
Ray’s Tap Reading Series Poster #1 for The Anti-Erotic/Sex-Negative/Anti-Natal Extravaganza on March 4th at 9 PM.
Poster by Susie Kirkwood